


The Right Path

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But it's there, F/M, PTSD, smut - the none explicit kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 23:52:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Bucky decides it's time to join the Avengers, but doesn't speak to Nat about it first





	The Right Path

Being back in New York wasn’t always easy. It had been a few months now since the trail and Bucky’s pardon, but his past still haunted him. Bucky suspected it always would as he stood on the balcony letting the night air cool him down.

He had woken up covered in sweat, screaming as he felt himself choke the life out of one of his countless victims that haunted his mind. This one had been a senator. He had been begging for his life and Bucky’s mind had been screaming at him to stop, without his body ever obeying his orders. The programming HYDRA had put in him had been too strong for him to break free off.

It had been one of his first. Later on, his mind had become more blank and the screaming had stopped. He just carried out the hits as some kind of mindless robot. That’s what it had been like in the moment at least. Now that Bucky was back in control and the programming was gone thanks to Shuri, the nightmares and guilt came.

Some days and nights were worse than others. Nights like tonight when he was alone and Natasha and Steve were gone on a mission were especially difficult. It wasn’t just that he was left alone with his own mind in a city that he barely knew, yet one that held so many memories. He also worried about his best friend and the woman he had come to love. He felt guilty he wasn’t there with them, which was the reason he had spoken to Steve earlier tonight. He wanted to join the team.

He knew Natasha probably had an opinion on the matter, which was why his phone had rung showing her smiling face minutes after he had hung up with Steve. Bucky hadn’t answered though. He wanted to talk to her but face to face. Not while she was on a jet in the middle of nowhere.

Bucky let out a breath as he heard the front door close. She was home safe, and no matter if she was angry with him or not, her safety was all that mattered to him.

“Another nightmare?” Natasha’s voice sounded from behind him and Bucky’s lips twitched upwards in a small smile with how well she knew him. He didn’t speak however, he just nodded his head in confirmation.

“James. Look at me,” she ordered, and Bucky closed his eyes for a second, bracing himself before he turned to face her. The softness in her eyes surprised him when he did, and he didn’t hesitate to take the hand she reached out to him.

“Come to bed?” it was more of a request than an order but surely not one Bucky was going to deny her.

He let her take the led, pushing him down to sit on the bed as she began undressing in front of him. She let him reach out to her and run his hands all over her slowly exposed skin with a smile on her face. Her being in control was never about denying him anything. It was about easing the storm in his mind and offering him a moment of peace with her. She knew him well and she knew exactly what he needed, which was why she didn’t protest or fight him when he pulled her now naked self onto his lap.

Their chests pressed together and Bucky revealed in how soft she felt under his hands as their lips joined in a loving kiss. Natasha was his one good thing to come out of the hell he had been through. His silver lining.

Neither of them was in a rush as their hands explored the other’s body and they kissed slowly and lazily. It wasn’t until Natasha smirked against his lips letting her hand slip into the front of his boxers, Bucky groaned and a fire built within him.

She squealed in surprise when Bucky flipped her over to lay on her back beneath him and he smiled down at her in amusement.  

“Whip that smug look of your face James, or you’re getting yourself off tonight,” she grumbled. She wasn’t fooling anyone as she began tugging at his boxers and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh as he bent down trailing kisses down up her neck, stopping right by her ear.

“Then who’s getting you off, Tasha?” Bucky grinned pulling away, just enough to allow himself to kick his boxers the rest of the way down before settling himself back between her legs.

“You’re an ass,” she tugged his hair slightly and Bucky groaned, kissing her silent as he reached down between them, guiding himself into her. Her gasps were swallowed by his kisses as they began moving together in perfect sync. The world melted away and there was nothing but the two of them. Nothing else that mattered than the way the other’s hands felt against soft warm skin. Nothing but the sounds that echoed through the room and the serene feeling they brought each other before the explosion of euphoria washed over them both.

***

Natasha was lying on Bucky’s chest, draped over him like a blanket as his fingers drew nonsense patterns on her skin. She didn’t look up at him as she spoke.

“You don’t have to go back out there you know?” Bucky wasn’t sure what he detected in her voice, but it wasn’t anger. Worry maybe. Regret.

“You know why I do,” Bucky sighed, pressing a kiss against her hair. “What is it that you say? I got red in my ledger. I need to wipe it out.”

“But you don’t,” she looked up at him and Bucky saw a fire in her eyes this time.

“It wasn’t your choice…” she began before Bucky interrupted her with a kiss.

“It wasn’t your fault either Natalia. You were a child,” he insisted, but she just shook her head lying back down against his chest.

“It’s not the same. I still had a choice,” she muttered and Bucky knew he would never get her to see that she hadn’t. She had been forced into that life, not in the same way he had, but it hadn’t been a choice. He didn’t know what to say, so he just laid there with her for what felt like an eternity. They were both still awake, taking solace in each other’s presence as Bucky fought with his own mind and he suspected Natasha was doing the same.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, regretting he had called Steve before talking with her. He knew he needed to do this, but she should have been the first to know.

“No James. Just worried,” she answered, before tilting her head to let her chin rest against his chest and their eyes met. “I know why you have to do this and sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.“

Bucky smiled, bending down to kiss her, sweetly and tenderly. He was lucky to have her and even if he wasn’t always the best at telling her that, he was going to make sure she always knew he felt that. For the first time in a long time, his life was on the right path and she was going to be by his side every step of the way. With her, Bucky knew he could do this and still always find his way back home to her.


End file.
